God will find a way

      I learned a couple of new things about myself in the past long two weeks. I understand God is love and you have to love who God has made you and what you've been through because it has in fact molded you to the person you are suppose to be but there are some weaknesses i have that really starting to irritate me. People always wondering oh why do i have drama, why does this happen to me? Quick to blame someone else instead of taking responsibility for our own actions. We are in the situation we are in because we refuse to let go and see what God is trying to tell us we refuse to change the little things about ourselves that keep constantly holding us back to our full potential. So we learn the hard way and that's exactly what i did I learned the hard way. I tend to let my kindness and forgiving heart get the best of me. I put my family in a situation that they really shouldn't have been put in, I let people get in the middle of my relationship which almost led us to destruction. Thank God i have a good man and he has a good woman as well and we may bicker and fight over the smallest things but when the chips are down we hold each other down, ready to fight the world back to back. lol I consider us like a Bonnie & Clyde  . . .with what we have been through in the past three month I don't even know if most people would have stuck by each other like we have.
  I have too kind of heart yeaa I know it sounds good but it really isn't im too gullible and let people take advantage of me sometimes. So from here forth Im going to start fighting for what I really care about regardless of what others think. .they'd rather me be with a man that has abused me. What people want that for you that claim they care about you. If im happy they are not well that's just too dang bad. I am doing what Mar wants to do and what I feel is right. Im done letting people and myslef get in the way of my blessings.




TO BE CONTINUED. . . 




beautifully shattered

WAITING. . .

  ME


 *Im waiting, for I know you will take things into your hands and out of my own
   *Thirsting for your knowledge, knowings your words and not what Im shown
   *Look at what has become of me out of all the sorrows and tears
   *You have broken me down, builded me up and now it is God that I only fear
  
GOD:


 *Why are you so sad? I've been standing right here all along
I am the maker, creator, the rhythm of your song
   *Why do you frown?
  *I was working all around you when in fact you thought you haven't heard a sound
 * I have felt every sorrow, heard every sob, touched every tear
 * I was waiting for you to let go of the wheel and in turn let me steer
 *Rejoice i have saved you from the devils trap
 *You see I was awake while you fell asleep, and decided to take a nap
 *He called Get back up, Get back up. .awaken from your slumber the battle inst won
*He payed the price for you, don't give up Look I have given my only begotten Son


ME
* Awoken I was, with a new attitude
*Brightened and shining like gold, was my mood
*Ready to stand and fight with Gods armor. . Felling brand new
*Keep faith in God fight to the finish, because when you least expect it, he will see you through

Simple Things In Life!!!

   Its the simplest things in life that make us so happy, and its the simplest things that can also break us and tear us to shreds (if we let them) We have to understand and always keep in mind that we are human we all have faults. .it is in our nature. Although cycles can be broken trust me I know from experience. But when you find that one person in life, that other half of you. . that person that you know God in heaven created just for you. When you find them you hold onto them. Though at times you may disagree and bicker it doesn't make me love them any less. Every healthy relationship has argument, every relationship goes through up and downs. . but when you stop fighting that when should start worrying because then that means you don't care enough to argue. When you start fighting that tells you that one of you stopped caring. Honestly its those little happy moments that get you through. . .the hours you spend talking on the phone, getting dropped off at the mall just to spend the whole day together, calling them to borrow a movie just because you know that's the only way they would come over and brighten up your cloudy day (half of the time I invited you over because I knew you'd stay and hang out for a while) or like the times when you just called them for no reason out of the day just to hear their voice, or the time he held me so close after finding out I got raped and cryed with me wishing he could of somehow prevented me from all the pain I went through though he wasn't in my life at that time. . . . .When we argue I cant help but just love you more because at the end of the day I know you think I'm worth fighting for just as I know that you are also worth fighting for. I can never stay mad at you for too long because honestly I cant stand not being in your arms. I miss you when I'm angry at you and though I hate it so much, I love you sooo much more. 

  It breaks my heart knowing things I've said have hurt you as you have done the same and just know I'd give anything in the world to take them back. You know I'm not perfect though I try so hard for you, But I thank God I'm not perfect cause how boring would that be? Its the little imperfections, Its the sudden change of plans. . when i misread the directions but lost we're holding hands and those are the little moments in life I live for. That night we stayed up all night talking about the past. .laughing and thanking all the wrong choices that brought us together, that's the simplest things that make it all worthwhile. I wish sometimes you could see how I see you through my eyes. . wishing you could know how it hurts me that so many people have screwed you over and wishing I could show you how much I mean it when I say I wouldn't hurt you like that. We don't always see eye to eye but for one day just one moment I wish you could see yourself through mine. Your Heaven Sent and in my heart I truly believe that my boomerang that came back to me. Things don't always turned out as planned but I don't care as long as your right beside me you say love don't pay the bills but I'll quote Katt Williams on that one "Fuck that damn light bill, I got twelve candles I been waiting to burn"

  Your imperfections and mine make this relationship, its the reason we love each-other so much. Its the struggles we get to, those mountains we climb and get over that make us stronger and I wouldn't change it or trade it for the world. I'll love you til the day my heart stops beating and even after that I'll love you still I just want you to know

*BEAUTIFULLY SHATTERED*

Soy un Guerra de Dios

    Do you ever just look at your significant other and just think WOW!! I cant believe he really wants me. . .After all the pain Ive gone through in life I didnt think it was possible to love someone this much. I thought I'd be one of those bitter, and mad women. Instead all my pain and hurt made me strive for a better life a better purpose, a chance for my two beautiful girls to have a better life and better opportunities. .and most importantly a better intimacy with God. Sometimes in life we are faced with hard decisions we come to that crossroad knowing that if we choose the incorrect past it could haunt us and our loved one forever. Well two months and a week before last sunday that exactly where I was. And I have to say if I didnt love myself and my two miracles from God I wouldnt be where I am today. . Where is that you ask? STILL STANDING! I realized that day that God made me for a purpose . . he made me beautiful inside and out. It was not in God's plan when he created us for his children to suffer. It was not in his plans for us to not enjoy life and eachother. God made us with two eyes so we can see things , he made us with two hands so we can to hold things, he made us with two feet to walk places. . but why did he make us with one heart? So we'd have to find the other one. My fiancee told me this quote just last night in the middle of us bickering =) even as my best friend he knew how to make it okay when i was sad, or down, and having a bad day.  This is the exact reason I know that , I went down the right road that day when I was standing at that crossroad. Little things matter to me, things so small are so important to me.
   I have the kind of guy you only see in movies now a days and Im so grateful to have him and his family by my side. In two weeks we went from having to an apartment, to selling everything and moving to New York, then getting kicked out on the street with both our girls and no money to go home. And then to having both our tickets and coming to Florida with no place to stay to having our own place and him having a job and me preparing to further my education. We truly are blessed. .When it rains it pours and that my confirmation from God that Im doing something right.  People may comment on my situation saying I have two kids from another man and criticizing my relationship but at the end of the day he is more of a father to my kids then anyone could ever be. He has been there for me and those girls time and time again even before we were in a relationship and when it comes down to it we are the perfect little family and we are happy regardless of what other may say and think. I am proud of myself for making it this far emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Im driven and dont take no for an answer and that exactly what he loves about me. NO its not being cocky its being confident and embracing the woman that God had molded me to be.
   I thank you lord for taking me, and breaking me down to pieces. . for all the struggles and abandonment, the deception and pain. . because little bu little you have turned and twisted me and molded me into a true God fearing woman. I would be absolutely nothing without you. Yo soy un guerra de dios . . . y te alaba para siempre por tu gracia y amor!!!! STAY POSTED

Beautifully Shattered